Adam J. Farrell

'09

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 11:31:01 GMT

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
lived the nyc lifestyle.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i was probably too drunk last year on new years to makea resolution.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
uhhhmmmm. dunno!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
yeaaahhh... botoh maternal grandparents were lost this past year.

5. What countries did you visit?
none :(

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
stability?

7. What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
uhhhmmm. no specific dates i s'pose.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
largest salary earned...

9. What was your biggest failure?
my love life. the relationships i did have all sucked.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
i'm sick now :(

11. What was the best thing you bought?
iphone. maybe...

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
uhhhmmm...my own. i haven't gotten punched in the face all year i don't think

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
madres, my own

14. Where did most of your money go?
nyc is not cheap. i spent a lottttt of money on food and liquor.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
acoustic dashboard! annnddddd i can't wait for the 2010 jzy shore days!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
ivortyton piano factory- broken angel orrrrr maybe jeff rowe. these are two artists i became familiar with this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
probably sadder? I had just gotten out of jail a year ago and was in a good comfort spot

ii. thinner or fatter?
probably fatter, as i just got out of jail and i didn't exactly eat a lot in there...

iii. richer or poorer?
probably the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
worrrrrrkkk.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
also, worrrrrrkk.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
i think we're doing family stuff on xmas.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
yeah

23. How many one night stands?
ze-ro

24. What was your favourite TV program?
fringe? or doctor who.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no.

26. What was the best book you read?
fuck man, after reading so much in jail last year i barely read this year.

although i did read half of that book on sams coffee table thingie. it's pretty interesting. and i dont' even know the name of it.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
ivoryton piano factory. r.i.p.

28. What did you want and get?
a girlfriend.

29. What did you want and not get?
a girlfriend.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
fuck, m8. i enjoyed inglrious basterds.

31. What did you do on your birthday?
i don't know. strip club, maybe.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
six figure salary.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
hmmm... my beard was solong until like 2 days ago i looked like a canadian logger or something.

34. What kept you sane?
pianooooo. a lot of work. now i'm just not sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
john mccain,esp. when sticking up for lieberman the other day.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
probably foreign policy. in entirety.

37. Who did you miss?
well, i miss FL and ergo all the people in FL i never hung out with when i lived there anyway.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
nav, terry or john @ green desk

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
NYC is the awesomest lonliest biggest most retarded city ever.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"how could so much good exist in such a tiny heart? and despite of all the pain she's in she never falls apart"

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:20:58 GMT

i need to get out and watch soccer and rugby and drink snakebites and drafts of guinness and meet a fair skinned lassie who can pour a mean pint and drink as much as me.

also

i need to spend a lot more time with sam. i'm getting bored.

wtf

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 23:43:55 GMT

I feel completely cheated out of my florida education.

Nobody ever told me about the Okeechobee Waterway going from Ft. Myers to Stuart.

I feel like... I should've known about that.

babyshambles

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:35:07 GMT

And what a nice day for a murder
You call yourself a killer but the only thing that you're killing is your time
There's nothing absurder
A bird is just a burden
To your heart your soul your body spirit and mind

Oh don't look at me like that
She won't take you back
You said too much, you been too unkind
Get up off your back
Stop smoking that
You could change your life
Do you think you'll change their mind
************************************************

Oh! I haven't been able to hear very well out of my right ear for about 6 days.

I don't think I can hear out of my right ear AT ALL now.

Fannnnnntastic! </sarcasm>

flash back

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:51:54 GMT

I just had this weird completely way long time ago nostalgic moment about when I was singing on a bus going up to some HS in hillsboroguh that was wayyy far screaming B-I-N-G-O.

For some reason I think Lauren probably remembers that.

I miss those good ol' euphonium dayyyys.

hrmmm

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sat, 09 May 2009 16:24:51 GMT

i am addicted to watching documentaries.

uggghhh

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:44:15 GMT

i don't really know where today went. i stayed up 'til 6 this morning buuuttt woke up again less than four hours later.

i drank a single screw driver, from about 1am-5am

and i have a ton of fscking anxiety with no understanding whyyy!

i really need to go back to florida for a week or two to visit. i'm super lonely, and, although i realllly enjoy sam being here shes going to be gone soon.

hrrrmmmmmmm

so

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 06:30:42 GMT

today i realized i'm not any longer on the friends list of a few people i've consistently logged on to see if they've bothered to update anything.

that really saddens me.

a lot of stupid bullshit saddens me.

i don't know what it is about anywhere i go but i just can't be comfortable with routine.

if i knew of an easy way to export all of my entries into some other format (txt, sql database dump, anything...really...) from the last many many years then I think that I would probably completely delete this journal.

i hope i woke up and am in a better mood because i didn't feel like this all day and it's only been the last hour or so i've felt so shitty and bah

i need to get me some hawaiian friends so i can call them when i'm super bored and lonely and depressed.

give me a kitten. a cute, lovable, lap cat.

one who will snuggle up real close to me and lay in bed and tell me anytime he wants anything.

i want a cat to spoil and love and treat perfect.

ohemgee

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 02:55:41 GMT

megan fox is so so soooo gorgeous.

i've had a few celebrity crushes. fo' sho'. i've always loved kate moss, joey lauren adams, and jolie.

but megan fox is probably my latest heart throb.

megan fox, marry me.

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooohoo

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:35:50 GMT

I'm officially licensed to drive again in the state of FL:)

I think I'm going out tonight.

today's one of those days

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:57:21 GMT

when I'm up at 7am and want to start drinking vodka.

it's a mix between me hating my auto insurance company for taking an unreasonably long time to get me my SR-22 waiver, being fucking cold out, and general anxiety.

AWESOME(tm)

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 07:00:33 GMT

So...

for the first time in a while I realized...

I HAVE A LAPTOP IN MY BAG THAT HAS A CUSTOM CONFIGURED AWESOME RC DEFINED TO EXACTLY MY NEEDS. WANTS. AND DESIRES.

I don't know how I forgot. A lot going on.

And a DIMM went bad on the desktop I've typically been using;

So I hook it up, fire up the machine and...BAM.

I'm HOOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE..

How was I using Windows XP for so Long?

I'm SERIOUSLY...

In. Love. Again.
Like, well, you have no idea.
<33333333333

This is probably the most 1337 desktop setup you've ever seen, bitches!

annoy-a-tron

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 05:35:35 GMT

FUCK ANYTHING ELSE FOR XMAS....
Buy me this. BUY ME MANY.

Think about how annoying it is when a fucking cell phone beeps and you can't figure out where it is.

Now think about how fun THAT would be.

Sadly, I'm starting a new position right after the Holidays....

That doesn't mean I'm not going to eat $10 and put it in some unsuspecting aquaintences car in the next two weeks ... ;)

p . s .
mich dunkel weisse == AWESOME FOR A DOMESTIC.

i love you, 7-11

christmas

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 10:43:26 GMT

I want some of the following things for Christmas:
-Any of the PostSecret books. (My Secret: I've been addicted to P.S. for a while now....)

-bottle of Van Gogh Acai/Blueberry

-The SuicideGirls book

and, of course to truly make it like two years ago ...

a bottle of van gogh double espresso, and about 2 or 3 packs of starbucks double shots.... mmmmm double/double's!

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 01:41:45 GMT

my friends page doesn't update often like it used to.

sad.

</3

They're truly not evil?

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 23:57:57 GMT

I'm viewing my gmail and lo' and behold:

This advertisement:
ARM Single Board Computer - www.glomationinc.com - $49 200MHz ARM9,32MB RAM,128M FLASH SD/MMC,WiFi,ZigBee,LAN,RS232,RS485

NOW, THIS IS AWESOME. Really... I mean... that is like TOTAL FUN FOR ADAM

Analyzing my emails and what many of them contain (I subscribe to PaulDotCom and a few other things on the super techie blogsophere...) I can understand this.

But I still feel a bit violated.

I think I'm going to buy a low powered ARM board to hack on. That seems fun as shit...

Belize

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:42:32 GMT

"As to the shortage of people in the population, sexual education is now a madatory class which requires one to have physical and sexual contact. Condoms are not allowed. The required age is the minimum of 16 years old. [14]" ... in reference to Education in Belize.

"Belize". Findings on the Worst Forms of Child Labor (2005). Bureau of International Labor Affairs, U.S. Department of Labor (2002).

i can't sleep

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:25:07 GMT

And I feel a marathon of my newest addiction needed: True Blood.

I've felt very compelled to start writing and keeping track of my life more the past few days.

I am going to set forth and attempt to create goals and then document them. Probably not here, probably mostly on paper as I had been trying to do the past few months anyway, but I've learned that it's very difficult for me to focus on my life and to accomplish things that I need to without viewing my life as a cynical third party. I can't view my life looking at it in the first person without feeling biased. I'd never give myself the same advice I give others. Which I should probably start following, and stop being hypocritical.

I'm tired of everything in my life centered around one single (albeit usually quite large...) goal. I mean: I look back and it's as if while trying to accomplish one huge feat I seemingly miss the big picture about everything else in life.

And I'm pretty fed up with all that.

as if yesterday couldn't have gotten better

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:27:00 GMT

THE RAYS WON AGAIN.

one more, baby!

and if we lose, hopefully i'll go see them... i'm totally going to blow money at 5 today and buy pre sale tickets.

ohhhh yeaaahhh.

time to go to mcdonalds, then work.

wee

insomnia

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 08:46:04 GMT

I'm listening to owl city thinking how much i wish icould listen to these tracks holding someone hands, skipping down the beach after sunset

rawr.

my life is so sponatenous lately. i really only know that the next day will bring more work.

my love life is so volatile. and i don't necessarily care any more... i guess that's part of growing up.

if i sleep now i'll get like ... two hours...

but i seriously went to sleep for at least 4 hours at like 10, so i guess it's ok?

i'm hungry. i think i'm going to get a quick shower before i go to sleep.

on labor day

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 22:54:50 GMT

everyone i knew was pretty much drinking, bbq'ng, drinking AND bbq'ng, or having fun in some other way.

i sat at work.

and it's now almost 7pm and i'm STILL at work.

l'sigh.

not only am I working, I'm workign entirely by myself.

I love this comic that's on my half-hexagonal-wall-thing on my pseudo desk thing at work-
----
"when we open the lab each morning, we tell the robot to kill." "it's our little joke."

"but secretly" "we're just afriaid.."

"to tell it to love."
---- ...it's kinda, eerily, great for work...

lyrical life

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:13:49 GMT

"If you follow the jaw-line down over the heart, the curves of your bone and muscle that make up your head to toe...it's just skin and thread, stitches and ligaments, words that we spoke only to regret. I know they're going to laugh at us when they see us out together "holding hands" like this. They wouldn't understand it if we told them all the reasons, not that I think this deserves any kind of explanation. We can make it up so we've got a smile painted on all the time, no matter what it's like on the inside. We'll keep this, keep us like a secret, because if my family and friends ever found out about the things we could never be, haunts we'll always keep, so fucking bittersweet"

I'm in a jam out morning; I don't know why but I feel a good day coming on.

I like my job. I like my life right now. I am bored, but I like... a lot these days.

the fall of the twin towers / sorry i like you, unexpected expecting; i love how i feel, quivering,

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 01:25:18 GMT

so on the 14th of May 2005 i wrote this-
"thx j, c, k, e, a, brian. you made my night."
and i know j is jessie, c for carly, k for kodi, e probably for earl(OR was it elizabeth?i think it might have been, actually...) but WHO THE FUCK IS A? I read later entries which mention Elizabeth and Ashlee. BUT I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT IF THAT IS A. RAWR. i hate having a bad memory. i write these things down for a reason, and even if things aren't spelled out (literally) i try to have some sort of reference. this bothers me.

i know this is the night i showed carly the letter she had given me when she was like...13. and i know that this was the night i felt unconquerable. it was only six days later that i believe jstanton and i stopped talking for a good while, and i wrote the most memorable stanza of poetry in my life. i wrote a lot of poetry for a long time. i was just ... different then. i wasn't apathetic about things. i had motivation. i had ambition. i cared about myself. the world was against me, but i was unstoppable.

it wasn't even like two weeks later anddd i wrote, "i don't mind giving out pieces of me, as seeing them drop and shatter into uncountable infinity is a game i like to play. pick them apart, pull them together, piece them back to create a whole new you.

have my heart, hold it and cherish it. be careful when you drop it, be careful when it breaks and the splinters forever change things herein. i'm fragile right now but i think i can trust you to have and hold this for now, to rebuild me into the monument to be."

and for a long time the glue stuck. and then the expected happened. of course.

and life moved on, c'est la vie.

and today i am crazy. not about her, or any exes, or anyone. just like... disappointed. disappoitned in myself, in my friends, in everything and every one.

so, i guess i wrote a lot of entries when i was a kid. and i had a lot of things happen to me that a lot of teenagers probably deal with. i also was involved with a lot of drama; many of you know this, but many of you may not know the extent of which it truly was.

slowly throughout the day today i have been changing the filtering of many entries. a lot of friends-only is now public. a lot of filtered is now friends-only or public. and a large portion of private entries have become public or friends only. (more public, honestly.)

there is a point in my life i don't mind sharing. i guess. the year of 2005 i was crazy. a lot of good things happened. a lot of bad. it was definitely a turning point. by the end of it i wasn't the same as in the beginning. i had faced multiple relationships, hardships, parental problems, unfortunate education circumstances, financial crises, drug addiction, work addiction, relationship addiction, pretty much anything that can be interesting to read probably happened for me in 2004-2006.

then i got super boring.

or burnt out.

i feel realllly fucking crazy lately. i feel you should all know that.

Okay.

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 10:13:32 GMT

I've made a ddecision.

This journal has been with me for years. DeadJournal too.

I'm kind of ... growing up. I don'treally feel like it, inside, but it's all too slow until it's happened already.

I think, at least for myself and my own peace of mind, I'm going to make this journal less and less public.

I've already stopped with frequent updates. I've slowed with my every waking thought. But, I'm saying it now, I'm probably not going to post in this journal any more.

If you are interested, I will be starting a new journal. Unlike this, that you are here to read, it won't be nearly as personal or private. More work/interest-related postings. I'll let you see more of what I'm thinking about with technology. What toys I'm playing with... what interests me (and shouldinterest you!) Some of my friends have gotten to see my inner workings. And, on occassion, I'm sure I'll continue to post here. It's my home;) But, I think... I'm trying to grow up. we'll see.

i have a lot on my mind, a lot of possibilities, and only want to grow from here.

where life takes me next is still a roller coaster.

but i like it that way. without a little nausea in my stomach, what would fuel me to go on?

.rock.on.

ajf.

"To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart."

ajfarrel@mail.usf.edu — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 05:15:16 GMT

Life has been ... interesting. Lately.

I have no clue where I"m going in life. Buuuttt I'll figure it out eventually.